Friday, May 07, 2010

OH FACK I'M HAVING A KID

I am on sick baby duty today, as our little girl has a little viral infection. So no rocking out for me.

It's also a historic day as my brother Tickle, he of the annoying Eminem voice, is also becoming a dad today. He and his wife will be welcoming a baby girl. During the pregnancy, they started calling her Tina, named after a certain wonder llama from a cult film. So for the last few months, we have been trying to lure her out by telling her to come get her ham. I guess it finally worked.

The interesting thing will be seeing how this affects my brother. As hard as it is for me to believe he will be a father, I know he'll be a good one. However, I also wonder what reproductive domestication will do to his wild side. I know he'll be a good, responsible dad when needed, but what about when he's released back into the wilds of Vegas? We were already discussing going there next spring for my cousin's bachelor party, and can't help that Tickle will be like a Sigfried & Roy white tiger released from its contract into the jungle for a few days. I don't think it will take him long to find his claws, and all of his pent up Call of the Wild instincts may very well explode the minute his feet touch the Vegas Strip. I've already said that under no circumstances will I room with him, unless the Doctors bring heavy sedatives along with the IV bags.

Speaking of unleashed wild animals, we had a black bear wandering around our neighborhood this past week. He was sitting in someone's yard just a few blocks from our house. I don't even want to think about how I would react if, while out on a walk with Libby, I saw a FREAKING BEAR DOWN THE STREET. It reiterates that I am much to Zsa Zsa to be here in this rustic setting. The only bears I want walking around my street are the pro football-playing kind or the hairy gay man looking for love kind. Those I can deal with.

Have a great weekend.

18 comments:

fish said...

My grandmother just shoots the blackbears with rocksalt.

Just sayin.

Brando said...

My grandmother just shoots the blackbears with rocksalt.

Is there an app for that?

fish said...

Is there an app for that?

Um, yes.

Mendacious D said...

Is it kosher salt? It's important for seasoning properly.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I'd love to have the chance to take wild bear pictures.

I'd prefer not to get eated or mangled in the process, that's for mangoes.
~

Kathleen said...

congrats Uncle B!!!

Brando said...

I have a jar of bear meat spice. They sell it in the grocery stores here.

Snag said...

Real men make their own bear spice.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Who knew the Spice Girls were staging a comeback?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Bare Meat Spice.

Churlita said...

I always like Bare Meat Spice the best. Who cared if she couldn't sing? None of the Spice Girls could either.

Kathleen said...

Beer meet Spice. Spice meet Beer.

Brando said...

I went to a beer fest once where my friends and I kept drinking an awful smokehouse beer because the vendor kept giving us free bottles of it. It combined the taste of smoked meat and beer, which sounds like it should be awesome but instead was like drinking a Bloody Mary made out of Heinz 57.

burgess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
fish said...

It combined the taste of smoked meat and beer, which sounds like it should be awesome

For various, non-conventional uses of "awesome".

Snag said...

Real men smoke their own bear beer.

Kathleen said...

Real men smoke their own bear beer.

I need that on a t-shirt and a mug. and possibly a trucker hat.

Brando said...

I need that on a t-shirt and a mug. and possibly a trucker hat.

I'm pretty sure that's only available on a trucker hat and possibly a branding iron.