10) Sending a combination Christmas/get well card to the guy we trampled on Black Friday.
9) Filling little Johnny’s iPod with illegal copies of all the albums on his Christmas list.
8) Crucifying anyone who says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.”
7) Waiting for the Gentiles to get out of the way so the Chosen People can have some fun.
6) Putting on our holiday camouflage as we deploy to Afghanistan.
5) Filling the Advent Calendar with Xanax.
4) Looking for like-minded furries who are into reindeer games.
3) Giving our whole block the gift of seizures.
2) Making sure our cold sores are gone before getting under mistletoe.
1) Watching the new Christmas special, The Year Without a Santa Claus But With an Assload of Zombies.