10) The chance to show off our extensive collection of novelty gravy boats.
9) That a request to pass the potatoes will trigger a much-needed conversation on why nothing we ever do is good enough for Mother.
8) The annual family Heimlich Manuever Food Toss.
7) Sarah Palin (sincerely).
6) Sarah Palin (satirically).
5) The free zombie apocalypse training we'll receive by shopping on Black Friday.
4) The way white people use gluttony and excessive shopping to commemorate our eviction from our ancient tribal lands (American Indians only).
3) How our new Snuggie allows us to remain dressed at the table while also allowing us to not wear pants.
2) Relieving all that pent-up family tension through our "neck" massager.
1) The yearly reminder that, no matter how bleak, miserable, and hopeless our lives may seem, we're still doing better than the Detroit Lions.
Have a great Thanksgiving!