Special extra padding to justify the price tag edition!
15) Thinks Air Force One would look totally bitchin’ with a stuffed moose head on the nose.
14) Got off on the wrong foot with the McCain campaign when she asked, “what’s that horrible nursing-home smell?” before turning around and seeing McCain standing behind her.
13) Would improve relations with Iran by buying Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a smilely-face tie.
12) Believes that oil is high-octane poopies left by angels during their war with Lucifer.
11) Swore off curiosity forever after overindulging in it one night with Miss Alaska roommate.
10) Considers the missionary position the hottest form of prayer.
9) Will make first act as president transporting David Letterman to an uninhabited tropical island and hunting him for sport.
8) Owns world’s largest collection of camouflage thongs.
7) Believes that illegal immigrants should have to return to their home countries, just like the American Indians did.
6) Reveals that her biggest disappointment was learning Bristol’s conception was not immaculate.
5) Thought she discovered a magical talking mirror before realizing it was Tina Fey dressed as her.
4) Bakes a fresh batch of Rapture Brownies every New Year’s Eve, just in case.
3) Vows to put a carcass on every hood if elected.
2) Likes to end every paragraph with a ;-)
1) Is just like any other hockey mom, if those hockey moms were state governors, hand-chosen for the vice presidency, recipients of money from conservative PACs, and had multi-million-dollar book deals.