Special extra crowd control edition!
12) Wanted to celebrate a Laker win by treating Los Angeles the way Kobe treats 19-year-old hotel employees.
11) Part of guerilla marketing campaign for new Pepsi Riot energy drink. (Pepsico warns you to riot responsibly.)
10) Release of New Jonas Brothers CD sent "OMG!" levels to uncontrollable highs.
9) Zombie outbreak finally happened.
8) Ate new Volcano Beef Burrito from Taco Bell and couldn't find public restroom in time.
7) Furious that Viagra makes 65-year-old men as horny as 18-year-olds, but still leaves them looking like 65-year-old men.
6) As out-of-work bricklayers, have plenty of time and lots of spare bricks.
5) Heard Obama set up a kissing booth and wanted to be first in line.
4) Playing new multiplayer Nintendo game, Wii Riot. (First aid not included.)
3) FREE DONUTS!!! OUT OF MY WAY OR I WILL CUT YOU!!!
2) Angry that Iranian Supreme Court awarded presidency to George W. Bush.
1) Honestly, we're just here to get a free TV.