Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Top Ten Tuesdays: How are we getting ready for swimsuit season?

10) Guzzling a bottle of Beam before the bikini wax.

9) Performing self-liposuction using a steak knife and a Dust Buster.

8) Taping down the sides of our Speedo to avoid another "peek-a-boo" incident.

7) Using leftover can of tan Sherman Williams paint as bronzer.

6) Welcoming our skin moles back from hibernation.

5) Paying someone who is in shape to be our beach double.

4) Microwaving face in order to get first sunburn out of the way.

3) Spending a month eating only broccoli that's salted with our bitter, overweight tears.

2) Sharpening our lawn mower blades before shaving our backs.

1) Standing naked in front of a mirror until desire to go to the beach passes.


Mendacious D said...

11) Repurposing the barbeque to save on fees at the tanning salon.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17) Hey, it's Milwaukee. We're drinking beer.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Do you even get summer where you live?

Jennifer said...

Danny Gans doesn't have to worry about the beach... too many painkillers will do that for you.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I'm thinking about getting a new job.

Ohio is just too far from the beach.

Churlita said...

69.) Moving to Iowa, where there really are no beaches and everyone else there is just as cornfed.

fish said...

Staring at old highschool pictures and weeping.

NĂ¡mo Mandos said...

It's weird. Another case where I've had an inverted experience from the rest of you, it seems. I loved my high school and am still very much in touch with the friends I made there, but my body image was way poorer in high school than it is now.

I still wouldn't go to the beach in a speedo, though. But still, I feel much better about it in a lot of ways.

Snag said...

Mandos, the only difference between you and me is my lack of self-awareness and dignity.

Kathleen said...

trying to get as thin as our wallets

Brando said...

LOL, Kathleen, very nice.