Top Ten Wednesdays: How are we celebrating our anniversaries?

Special 14-years-of-making-other-people-sick-with-our-happiness edition!

14) Giving her the gift that keeps on giving: gifts that take batteries.

13) Renewing vows while father-in-law points ceremonial shotgun at us.

12) Holding hands while mixing meth in the tub.

11) Hiding in the bushes outside home of spouse’s new spouse.

10) Devising conspiracy theories to make wife feel better about blowing seemingly insurmountable lead to an inexperienced black guy with a Muslim name.

9) Telling Barack yes, yes, oh God yes we can!

8) Handing the kids $50 and telling them to not come back for at least 15 minutes.

7) Selling our reading glasses for a hairbrush and selling our hair for The Collected Stories of O Henry.

6) Giving Rodrigo the day off so husband can “clean the pool.”

5) Replying, “It’s today? Oh, fack me!” before spending night on the couch.

4) Robbing a bank together just like old times.

3) Filling out application for Wife Swap.

2) Having a beautiful candlelight dinner together on Second Life.

1) Getting ready to chuck all these years of togetherness to have a creature who will say “Ewww” when we kiss on our future anniversaries.