10) Acted like a real turkey toward the one group in Iraq that likes us.
9) Have more mistresses than approval points.
8) Stuck a little something in Iran's lead stocking.
7) Compared liberals to fascists despite being a fascist about sharing the Cheetos with other National Review staffers.
6) Called husband by pool boy's name.
5) Called wife by pool boy's name.
4) Ate more than our share of the American pie, grabbed everyone else's share, and then licked the few crumbs they had off their faces.
3) Delivered a urine sample so full of performance enhancers, the cup came back from the lab and hit 40 home runs.
2) Reported that we were beat up for our conservative views on sex, when it turns out we were just beating off.
1) Last name rhymes with "Bush."