10) Desired socially acceptable outlet for hating minorities.
9) Envisioned self as more of an armchair general than a foot soldier.
8) Learned the power of the capitalism after parents made us find a free-market solution to potty training.
7) Wanted the thrills of gay sex without the spills of being “gay.”
6) Saw first-hand the dangers of illegal immigration after being raised by Salvadoran nanny who didn't let us get our way.
5) Enjoyed the ease of answering all of life’s tough questions with “God’s will.”
4) Tended to shout rather than talk.
3) Launched crusade against high school girls being easy after getting turned down by the easy girls in high school.
2) Felt that Locke’s social contract entitles all men to seek their fortunes in a free and unfettered fashion...okay, we just wanted to lower taxes enough to get a gold bidet for the yacht.
1) Forced to have childhood lobotomy due to lack of mental health coverage.