Special expanded Eat it, Fodors edition!
Travel and Leisure magazine recently ranked the attractiveness of 25 American cities. What did the magazine find most unattractive about each city?
Atlanta: No matter how hard you squint, you can’t forget you are in Georgia.
Austin: Citizens unable to mate without singing Texas fight song.
Boston: Accent makes pillow talk sound like orders from a dock foreman.
Charleston: Can still smell the burning rubber from General Sherman’s treadmarks.
Chicago: Four words—mustaches and zubaz pants.
Dallas: Sexual partners always call out "Romo" (male and female)
Denver: Overuse of pickup line, “In Denver, you’re already in the mile high club!”
D.C.: High probability of having blood drained by member of the Vice President’s office.
Honolulu: Can’t erase image of tarantula crawling on Peter Brady.
Las Vegas: Seemingly large number of eligible men is actually just Danny Gans impersonating different guys.
Los Angeles: Most citizens now contain only 53% organic matter.
Miami: Airport call letters are STD.
Minneapolis: High horny-Republican-to-restroom ratio.
Nashville: Ten gallon hats conceal secret rib stash.
New Orleans: #1 recreational activity is gunplay.
New York: Prevalence of attractive footwear offset by prevalence of public urination.
Orlando: Inordinate number of furries.
Philly: Standard greeting is a shiv to the kidneys.
Phoenix: Hot date consists of an early bird special and shopping for Depends thongs.
Portland: 90% chance of getting carjacked by a Trailblazer.
San Antonio: Tallest downtown building shorter than average bang height.
San Diego: Two words—fish tacos.
San Francisco: Total eclipse of the Sun every time Barry Bonds’s head is in town.
Santa Fe: Conversations never move past, “So what do you want to do?”
Seattle: Frequent rains still fail to wash away the bad taste of grunge.