Special extra we're so old today edition!
12) Tapping foot to signal the next stall that we’re ready for a birthday spanking.
11) Wishing that Scarlett Johansson would leap out of the cake.
10) Watching Mr. Burns leap out instead.
9) Arranging naked detainees to spell Happy Birthday.
8) Having leather mask unzipped for the whole day.
7) Receiving thoughtful extra kickback from Halliburton.
6) Unwrapping subpoena from grand jury.
5) Drinking an Old Style for every year we’ve lived.
4) Getting treated for severe alcohol poisoning.
3) Popping two Viagra and cruising the retirement home for widows.
2) Looking over shoulder to see if that’s a breeze or the icy grip of Death.
1) Being as horrified about our new age as Dante was about the same number in Clerks. (severe profanity alert)
And just to clarify things, yes, I am another year closer to death today....