1) Have you ever owned or worn a dashiki?
No. The only other outfit that would look less “me” would be leather chaps and nipple tassels (although that outfit did help me pay for college). But one of my favorite song couplets—from Pavement’s “Embassy Row”—involves the word dashiki:
I need to get born, I need to get dead
I'm sick of the forms, I'm sick of being misread
By men in dashikis and their leftist weeklies
Colonized wrath -- their shining new path
2) What was your favorite outfit and why?
Aside from the chaps and tassels? Currently, this tan summer suit that I own. Just one of those things I put on and instantly feel good in. But I used to have this one outfit: pink shirt, white pants with light gray pinstripes, and a white leather tie. You can probably guess what decade that was from. I have tried throwing the tie out, but every time I do, it mysteriously reappears in my closet...and a Republican becomes president! (Sorry my house cleaning led to eight years of Bush).
3) What would people find most surprising about you?
That I actually brood quite a bit and worry way too much about things. And that I am a huge Project Runway fan.
4) Do you have a tail?
No, I never cared for that hairstyle.
5) If you were a cowboy/cowgirl, what would you name your horse?
Taggert, after Slim Pickens’s character in Blazing Saddles.
6) What's the first thing you think about upon waking in the morning?
Peeing. Then jokes. I seriously start having comedy bits pop into my head as soon as I wake up. I used to drive The Lovely Becky crazy because I would start doing routines for her in the morning, which is why I now have this blog and am still happily married.
7) Hot or cold?
Hard to say. I am not into freezing weather, but I hate being really hot in a non-vacation setting. So my answer is McDLT.
8) Literal or lateral?
Lateral because you can do it in football.
9) Rain or shine?
Rain. I like sunny weather but feel most creative when the weather is bad. I am someone who thinks Scotland has awesome weather.
10) What scares you the most?
Losing my wife is the worst thing I can think of. After that, being sucked out of the airlock of a space ship while simultaneously being devoured by some mutant space shark-spider.
11) Worst moment that turned into a best?
I had to move between my junior and senior year of high school. I was really happy at the high school I left and a miserable SOB about moving. But if I hadn’t done that, I would not have met The Lovely Becky. And if I had never met her, I probably would have wound up homeless on the street giving handjobs for crack.
12) What you're still grappling with?
My grappling hook. Damn thing never catches. Oh, and giving straight answers to questions.
13) Winter, spring, summer or fall?
Fall. The weather is still nice and football starts.
14) Carol King or James Taylor?
James Taylor, but I’d really answer c, Geddy Lee.
15) Do you look at your mouth when you are brushing your teeth or just look around the room?
Teeth. Unless brushing while wearing my nipple tassels.