Friday, December 15, 2006

Now I'm making teh funny in my sleep

One of the reasons I begat Circle Jerk at the Square Dance is because I start making jokes the minute I wake up. My eyes pop open and, most mornings, the zingers start coming. I used to direct these toward a blurry-eyed TLB. The exchange usually went something like this:

Alarm rings.

Me: Hey, have you ever noticed that George Bush is like Spalding from Caddyshack? "I want a tax cut. No, I want a Supreme Court justice. No, I want a pro-American Democracy in the Middle East."

TLB: (looks at clock, looks at me, raises pillow, lowers pillow over my face)

Me: (muffled) Hey, what’s the deal with flannel sheets? Do all the other sheets look at them and go, “They’re so grunge”?

TLB: (applies more pressure)

The other night, I had a dream I was playing drums with my friend and Hold Steady compatriot, Bob Hillman. Bob is a musician, and he and I were playing some of his songs in a small club. In the dream, I flailed away, trying to be flashy but making a cacophonic racket that distracted from Bob’s very catchy tunes. Bob stopped playing and made a joke about my ineptitude, something like, “In case you haven’t noticed, he’s new.”

I slowed down and started playing a very simple beat, almost like a metronome. I leaned into my microphone and said, “Don’t worry, I’m just going to Meg White it back here.”

While certainly not my best line, it is the first time I have ever attempted a joke in my sleep. I’m not sure if I should be happy or very concerned. Especially if I start talking in my sleep...they might find me with a pillow over my face and TLB playing back the tape recorder to show it was justified.

10 comments:

Chuckles said...

Yeah, that doesn't worry me as much as the revolting new development that happened in my head last night as I lay dreaming.

I dreamed a Star Trek movie script.

I have never lowered myself to writing fan fiction and hoe I never do, but this morning I woke up thinking that dream would make a great Star Trek sequel.

SHOOT ME NOW.

Churlita said...

For some reason, after reading your post I have Cheap Trick's "Dream Police" playing in my head. I'm not sure if that should make me happy or pissed-off.

Anonymous said...

Geesh. I'm not sure what to make of this.

TLB said...

I think it says a lot about you that your dreams include jobs you will never, ever have, including playing drums with Bob Hillman.

Pepper said...

Conclusion to your Bush joke...then the Democratic controlled Congress says "you'll get nothing and like it!"

Pepper said...

Conclusion to your Bush joke...then the Democratic controlled Congress says "you'll get nothing and like it!"

Pepper said...

Conclusion to your Bush joke...then the Democratic controlled Congress says "you'll get nothing and like it!"

Pepper said...

sorry about the repeated comments...Blogger was doing some weird things this morning.

SRH said...

I think the subtlty of the joke in your sleep should disturb you more than the mere fact that you made a joke in your sleep. Just sayin'

Brando said...

True, srh, I didn't think of that. No profanity, no penis joke, no cartoon violence...my dream self seems so much more mature.