Friday, December 15, 2006

Now I'm making teh funny in my sleep

One of the reasons I begat Circle Jerk at the Square Dance is because I start making jokes the minute I wake up. My eyes pop open and, most mornings, the zingers start coming. I used to direct these toward a blurry-eyed TLB. The exchange usually went something like this:

Alarm rings.

Me: Hey, have you ever noticed that George Bush is like Spalding from Caddyshack? "I want a tax cut. No, I want a Supreme Court justice. No, I want a pro-American Democracy in the Middle East."

TLB: (looks at clock, looks at me, raises pillow, lowers pillow over my face)

Me: (muffled) Hey, what’s the deal with flannel sheets? Do all the other sheets look at them and go, “They’re so grunge”?

TLB: (applies more pressure)

The other night, I had a dream I was playing drums with my friend and Hold Steady compatriot, Bob Hillman. Bob is a musician, and he and I were playing some of his songs in a small club. In the dream, I flailed away, trying to be flashy but making a cacophonic racket that distracted from Bob’s very catchy tunes. Bob stopped playing and made a joke about my ineptitude, something like, “In case you haven’t noticed, he’s new.”

I slowed down and started playing a very simple beat, almost like a metronome. I leaned into my microphone and said, “Don’t worry, I’m just going to Meg White it back here.”

While certainly not my best line, it is the first time I have ever attempted a joke in my sleep. I’m not sure if I should be happy or very concerned. Especially if I start talking in my sleep...they might find me with a pillow over my face and TLB playing back the tape recorder to show it was justified.

11 comments:

Chuckles said...

Yeah, that doesn't worry me as much as the revolting new development that happened in my head last night as I lay dreaming.

I dreamed a Star Trek movie script.

I have never lowered myself to writing fan fiction and hoe I never do, but this morning I woke up thinking that dream would make a great Star Trek sequel.

SHOOT ME NOW.

Churlita said...

For some reason, after reading your post I have Cheap Trick's "Dream Police" playing in my head. I'm not sure if that should make me happy or pissed-off.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Geesh. I'm not sure what to make of this.

TLB said...

I think it says a lot about you that your dreams include jobs you will never, ever have, including playing drums with Bob Hillman.

Paul B said...

Conclusion to your Bush joke...then the Democratic controlled Congress says "you'll get nothing and like it!"

Paul B said...

Conclusion to your Bush joke...then the Democratic controlled Congress says "you'll get nothing and like it!"

Paul B said...

Conclusion to your Bush joke...then the Democratic controlled Congress says "you'll get nothing and like it!"

Paul B said...

sorry about the repeated comments...Blogger was doing some weird things this morning.

kirby said...

As much as I love The White Stripes, I'm totally stealing your Meg White line.

SRH said...

I think the subtlty of the joke in your sleep should disturb you more than the mere fact that you made a joke in your sleep. Just sayin'

Brando said...

True, srh, I didn't think of that. No profanity, no penis joke, no cartoon violence...my dream self seems so much more mature.