10) Asking Paul Simon for a list of 50 exit strategies.
9) Approving takeover of security in Iraq by the ARVN.
8) Helping the Iraqi government stand on its own two feet by nailing it to its perch.
7) Repelling insurgent attacks with video montages of Britney Spears’ crotch set to K-Fed’s rap album.
6) Adding trans fats to hummus until terrorists are too fat to fight.
5) Creating terrifying clone army of flesh-eating John Bolton mustaches.
4) Asking, “TomTom, what's the best route out of this hellish quagmire?”
3) Encouraging Iraq to make peace with its neighbors by focusing on their common hatred of Israel.
2) Accelerating timetable for withdrawal from Iraq by calculating it in dog years.
1) Hiring O.J. to show us how he would end the war, if he'd started it.