Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Top Ten Tuesdays: What changes are we making in Iraq?

10) Asking Paul Simon for a list of 50 exit strategies.

9) Approving takeover of security in Iraq by the ARVN.

8) Helping the Iraqi government stand on its own two feet by nailing it to its perch.

7) Repelling insurgent attacks with video montages of Britney Spears’ crotch set to K-Fed’s rap album.

6) Adding trans fats to hummus until terrorists are too fat to fight.

5) Creating terrifying clone army of flesh-eating John Bolton mustaches.

4) Asking, “TomTom, what's the best route out of this hellish quagmire?”

3) Encouraging Iraq to make peace with its neighbors by focusing on their common hatred of Israel.

2) Accelerating timetable for withdrawal from Iraq by calculating it in dog years.

1) Hiring O.J. to show us how he would end the war, if he'd started it.

19 comments:

BOSSY said...

11) Deploying the cast of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to gussy up the caves.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

We keep Gore-counting until we find a Rummy replacement that agrees with Dum Dum.

Gawd, I hate Dum Dum.

blue girl said...

Your #1 is pretty funny...

:)

almostinfamous said...

damn bossy and BG beat me to whatever it is that i was going to say.

GO JUICE!!

fish said...

This is an ex-government.

Churlita said...

If Paul Simon wrote the list of exit strategies, would they all have to rhyme?

Brendan said...

Regarding #8: no fair bringing the parrot. Just a hint of any part of that skit still makes me hysterical, even after all these years.

Regarding #7: I go even farther back into my youth, and respond thus: Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Brendan said...

#5 probably deserves an "eewwww," too, but expressing universally held opionions seems ... uninsightful?

But on a related note, is it possible that Rick Santorum is really a serious candidate for replacing Bolton? I've been away from the news for a while now, but I saw something about that, I think. Please tell me that trial balloon has since been shot down.

Anonymous said...

Bob Hillman sent me.

Brando said...

The Parrot Sketch is one of my favorite Python bits. I always lose it with, "Pinin' for the fjords?!"

Nice one, fish.

I like the idea of Extreme Makeover in Iraq.

Churlita, I think we would take any verses on exit strategies at this point.

Brando said...

bredan, didn't hear that about Santorum. I can't imagine that will fly.

Anonymous, I am glad Mr. Hillman directed you over here and I hope you enjoy the show.

teh l4m3 said...

Wrap Sally Field in a chador and send her over to Baghdad to search and fight for her half-Iraqi daughter...

Blue Gal said...

This is Blue Gal, as opposed to blue girl (hi, blue girl).

Great post. Very funny.

Blue Gal said...

My understanding is the "fill the hole left in the UN by Bolton with Santorum" idea resides in the demented brain of one Atlas Shrugs. I would not take it seriously.

Isn't it sweet that women conservative bloggers think it's their job to find lil' Ricky a job?

SPYDA said...

Regarding Extreme Makeover, it perhaps won't surprise you to learn that Changing Rooms: Iraq began airing within a couple of months of the fall of Baghdad. It's true...

Brendan said...

Thanks, everyone, for the follow-up regarding (former!) Senator ManOnDog. I haven't seen anything else about it, so I guess that trial balloon got shot down (if it had indeed even gotten to that stage).

BTW, I was in Pennsylvania in late October, and ... acquired ... a Santorum lawn sign. It makes a nice dust cover for one of my lesser-used computers. Given that my cats are litter box trained, I mean.

It's a joy to look at it every day -- it reminds me simultaneously of the irony of those old "Nixon's the One!" buttons, worn by us lefties once Watergate exploded, and the puddle into which the Wicked Witch of the West melted.

cwazycajun said...

tell the bush-it twins that if they find a way to end this war its free booze for life.....just dont let daddy know about it

adi said...

tell the bush-it twins that if they find a way to end this war its free booze for life.....just dont let daddy know about it

i thought that was the reason daddy dearest stole his way into the highest chair in the land.

Brando said...

brendan, that Santorum sign could lead to some awesome photo ops.

Blue Gal, thanks for letting us know the Santorum think was another Pammycakes illusion.

I would be all for going back to drunk Bush. Back then, his worst decisions were running an oil company into the ground and trading Sammy Sosa. I'll take those over Iraq any day.