Special extended 12 days of Xmas edition!
12) Engagement ring from ex-fiancée with finger still attached.
11) Oranges, coal, and story from grandpa about how they got through the Depression by cooking Drifter a la Orange.
10) Copy of The Ultimate Book of Jewish Jokes with a pink slip bookmark.
9) A dirty Red Hot Chili Pepper.
8) Quote from the prophet Isaiah Thomas: “And a little child shall lead them to a 15-game suspension.”
7) Three pairs of emergency paparazzi panties from Paris.
6) A fake ID that doesn’t show us with our tiara.
5) Craigslist ad reading: “Jolly, mature, adventurous MWM seeks someone very naughty for more than milk and cookies. Must enjoy sleigh rides, bell jingling, and lap-sitting. No elves.”
4) Homemade jerky from Dr. Lecter.
3) Special advance copy of Chinese Democracy CD featuring 76 minutes of Axl refusing to sing.
2) Nintendo Wii that’s been pre-Cheeto stained.
1) A complete set of finished cabinet appointments from dad.