Monday, May 08, 2006

Why I will probably not be featured on Taxicab Confessions anytime soon

Driving back to Iowa from Nashville this weekend, my lovely wife and I passed the Leviathan-sized giant cross of Effingham, Illinois. Or, as I would dub it if I lived there, the "effing gianormous cross of Effingham."

"Jesus Christ," B said when she saw it.

"Exactly," I said.

Soon after basking in this multi-storied Christian grandeur, we saw a sign for a Bible Factory Outlet store. That prompted this conversation:

Me: "What the hell do you sell at a Bible Factory Outlet store?"

B: "Beats me. Maybe used Bibles?"

Me: "Hmm... that could be cool. What if you could buy Bibles that were used in an exorcism?"

B: "No one would want something like that."

Me: "Are you kidding? I would totally buy a Bible that had been used to cast out demons."

B: "No one normal would want something like that."

14 comments:

Butchieboy said...

I buy surplus bibles to shim up the corner of my trailer-home. They's cheaper then other stuff.

Trevor Jackson said...

I think you can buy Bible factories there. At cost.

I'm going to open a Bible factory, and change all references to Jesus to W. And Judas to Karl the Kingmaker. Minds will be blown.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Butchie always gets the good comments.

What I cannot figure out is why there are places like that. I mean, how many bibles does a family really need?

Anonymous said...

Well there's your readin' bible, your wallopin' bible...

Nanette said...

Did you happen to see the giant cross at night? It's truly a disturbing sight when it's lit up with giant spotlights. Drives the Satan right outta me.

There's a Bible Factory Outlet in our local outlet mall. We've never been in, but my husband and I think they sell last year's popular Bible styles. (Leather Bible covers with gold embossing are so 2005. This year, it's all about the cloth covers with silver embossing.) They also sell goofy religious knick-knacks (think lots of crosses, duh) and those inspirational plaques that everyone loves.

Ruby Khan said...

At the in-store cafe they sell 32 flavors of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Brando said...

Actually, I think the GOP has been buying all their Bibles at Bible Factory Outlets. That's why their interpretation of Christianity is defective.

Brando said...

Nanette, it was during the day, which was freaky enough for me. I might think the end is nigh if I saw that in the dark.

Mr. Richard said...

Oh, you lazy little heathens.

www.bibleoutlet.com

Be saved by the savings!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Brando, if I buy your lovely wife's book, which I will, will she autograph it for me so I can sell it for the big bucks on eBay?

TLB said...

That's an affirm, AG. Though I don't think it will be worth big bucks on ebay until I drink myself into an alcoholic coma and die choking on my own vomit.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

tlb, ya never know what people will pay for on eBay. It's all in the marketing.

Take Butchie for instance. You and I can both agree, he buys up some weird stuff!

Brando said...

AG, if you do want a copy autographed, just drop me an e-mail (the link is in my profile). Or you can stop by TLB's snazzy official site (www.rebeccajohns.com) and send her one.

Cynthia Brand said...

Wait. You saw a Bible Factory Outlet and you didn't GO IN? The shopper and kitsch lover in me would have HAD to make a stop. Don't you remember anything from your days of tax-free outlet shopping with me in Jersey? Huh? HUH? ;-)