Special freshman fifteen edition!
15) Getting to know new roommate.
14) Getting away from new roommate because he masturbates when he thinks we’re asleep.
13) Getting drunk with cool junior across the hall.
12) Getting high with even cooler RA.
11) Getting together with cute girl down the hall.
10 Getting into an argument with the cute girl down the hall who knows all about destructive behavior because her father was a substance abuser and her mother was an enabler and...can’t remember the rest because of the blackout.
9) Getting together with cute girl’s much easier roommate.
8) Getting to the clinic for some free penicillin.
7) Getting Fs on all our midterms because we neglected the “education” part of “higher education.”
6) Getting on hands and knees and begging professor to give us another chance.
5) Getting embarassed when realizing we’re not in that professor’s class.
4) Getting so drunk we wake up pantsless in the quad. At noon.
3) Getting expelled for challenging dean to a “swordfight” after waking us up in the quad.
2) Getting little brother to move his shit out of our old room.
1) Getting used to delivering pizzas in 30 minutes or less.