Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Top Ten Tuesdays: Gaza relocation strategies

Israel is currently taking a large step toward Middle Eastern peace by relocating settlers from the Gaza Strip. How is Israel convincing settlers to leave?

10) Sending Jews for Jesus door-to-door.
9) Proposing e-settlements as a convenient alternative to hurled-brick-and-mortared settlements.
8) Announcing Ariel Sharon will remove one item of clothing for each day settlers remain.
7) Revealing a new translation of the Torah that says actual Jewish homeland is in Miami Beach.
6) Helping settlers save 15% or more on their car insurance if they switch from Gaza.
5) Playing keep-away with their yarmulkes until they agree to move.
4) Feeding settlers metallic lox before sweeping area with giant magnets.
3) Shutting off their cable.
2) Having Taggert and his gang work up a number 6 on them.
1) Appealing to their rationality, nationalism, and goodwill, then, when that fails, turning on the fire hoses.

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