Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Top Ten Wednesdays: What New Year’s resolutions have we already broken?

10) Double-checking that we’re dreaming before leaving the house while naked.

9) Putting in a solid four hours of working during our eight-hour workday.

8) Cuttingdowntotwocupsofcoffeeadayinsteadoftwopots.

7) Not categorizing drunken tweets and Facebook updates as social drinking.

6) Going on a diet that doesn’t involve heroin.

5) Actually working out instead of delegating treadmill time to our assistant.

4) Not swearing like a motherfucker.

3) Excusing ourselves from a long phone meeting instead of hitting mute and peeing in the trashcan.

2) Getting that thing on our thingie checked out instead of just hoping it will go away and stop burning.

1) Being more highbrow with our dick jokes.

10 comments:

Jennifer said...

Excusing ourselves from a long phone meeting instead of hitting mute and peeing in the trashcan.

LOL!! You're SO MEAN!!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Not swearing like a motherfucker.

O, I larfed.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I suspect the whole list was a setup for that one line, Jennifer.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Don't make none, won't break none.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

2 Resolutions:

1) I won't drink anymore.
2) I won't drink any less.

Brando said...

I actually considered not making the trashcan joke, but I couldn't help myself.

Von said...

LOve the trashcan joke.
Love the broken resolutions.
KinderGentlerVon2011 lasted about 20 minutes into 2011.
Well, I tried.

Jennifer said...

I keep reading #1 as "eyebrow dick jokes", which makes me think of a dweeb. Didn't that originally mean "dick with eyebrows"?

Churlita said...

I would like to see an example of a highbrow dick joke....

fish said...

Being more highbrow with our dick jokes.

Shooting for the eyebrows now?