10) Double-checking that we’re dreaming before leaving the house while naked.
9) Putting in a solid four hours of working during our eight-hour workday.
7) Not categorizing drunken tweets and Facebook updates as social drinking.
6) Going on a diet that doesn’t involve heroin.
5) Actually working out instead of delegating treadmill time to our assistant.
4) Not swearing like a motherfucker.
3) Excusing ourselves from a long phone meeting instead of hitting mute and peeing in the trashcan.
2) Getting that thing on our thingie checked out instead of just hoping it will go away and stop burning.
1) Being more highbrow with our dick jokes.