Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Top Ten Tuesdays: What steps are we taking to prepare for the end of America?

Special health care will kill us all edition!

12) Passing No Child Left Unarmed.

11) Taking out home equity loan to install catapults on our walled compounds.

10) Stocking up on Kook-Aid to sweeten our main water supply: Glenn Beck’s bitter tears.

9) Claiming tinfoil as a medical expense.

8) Steeling ourselves for the possibility that, in order to get through that first winter, we may have to eat Rush Limbaugh.

7) Looking to the Bible for answers, preferably for those involving smiting and/or stoning.

6) Perfecting our combustion engine that runs on rage, hyperbole, and drool.

5) Practicing how we’ll talk to our subjects when we emerge from our parents’ basement to become the new Lord of Smith Street.

4) Heating our caves in the hills of Los Angeles with remaindered copies of Liberal Fascism.

3) Forming our own Teabagger Navy with sailboats powered by mouthbreathing.

2) Polishing our replica Lord of the Rings sword so that Queen Palin can knight us.

1) Breathing into a paper bag until we can think straight about how we’ll survive the coming Obamacalypse.

36 comments:

Jennifer said...

It is the end! Donuts are supposed to have holes, dammit!!! It goes against the laws of nature and God for a donut to not have a hole. What's next!?!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

jelly filled donuts don't have holes.

DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?

Brando said...

That's why they are the filling of socialism.

Donut holes, meanwhile, are the morning pastry of liberty, freed from the circular prison of their frosted, glazed, and powdered masters.

Jennifer said...

jelly filled donuts don't have holes.

They do too! You just can't see them! They're internal! Where does the jelly go if there's no space for it? Hmmm?

Jennifer said...

Also... unfortunately Peeps float in semi-set Jell-O... We're going to have to find a new use for Brando's Jell-O and my Peeps.

Zombudsman said...

After consulting with pastry experts, a hole that does not show, or go all the way through a material, is a recess.

Also, bear claws and fritters count as generic donuts, neither of which have holes.

So, per ZRM, your minds should, indeed, have been blown.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Also... unfortunately Peeps float in semi-set Jell-O.

this is disturbing behavior.

Jennifer said...

After consulting with pastry experts, a hole that does not show, or go all the way through a material, is a recess.

I can smell an explaining voice a mile away...

However, I concur... ZRM does, indeed, blow.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

whoah. That's pretty aggro.

Brando said...

So, per ZRM, your minds should, indeed, have been blown.

Do blown minds comprise the filling of zombie donuts?

Jennifer said...

whoah. That's pretty aggro.

Sorry... I just ingested Peeps in Jell-O for the sake of science. I also got an earful of teh explaining voice from the talking fish.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

donut peeps?

I am surprised that Wisconsin has not led the way in developing deep-fried peeps. Perhaps it is because Easter comes at a time when we can't have an outdoor beer drinking festival.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I just ingested Peeps in Jell-O for the sake of science. I also got an earful of teh explaining voice from the talking fish.

apparently, Jell-o peeps are hallucinogenic. I hope the EndOfTheWorldCare kicks in soon.

Jennifer said...

I am surprised that Wisconsin has not led the way in developing deep-fried peeps. Perhaps it is because Easter comes at a time when we can't have an outdoor beer drinking festival.

Maybe they could work it in with a fish boil, or the smelt run.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

The Annual Peep Run!!!

If you do NOT start having this party, Jennifer, I will hate you forever.

Jennifer said...

If you do NOT start having this party, Jennifer, I will hate you forever.

Will it involve Jell-O??

And, why hasn't Kathleen shared her drunken love over here??

Jennifer said...

The Annual Peep Run!!!

Come to think of it, at least I wouldn't mind biting the head off of a peep.

Mendacious D said...

jelly filled donuts don't have holes.

Tim Hortons' Timbits do. DONUT HOLES FILLED WITH JELLY. THIS IS THE SEVENTH DIMENSION

Word verification, no lie, is "ingest."

Mendacious D said...

Perhaps it is because Easter comes at a time when we can't have an outdoor beer drinking festival.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Kathleen said...

And, why hasn't Kathleen shared her drunken love over here??

do you know how hard it is to type "curcle jerk at the square dance" corrently into google?!!!!!

Kathleen said...

omg

Brando said...

do you know how hard it is to type "curcle jerk at the square dance" corrently into google?!!!!!

If you listen very closely, you can hear a zombie's head exploding in America's heartland.

Amazingly enough, my search results show that people clearly looking for porn often spell their search terms correctly, yet Kathleen cannot.

Substance McGravitas said...

If you listen very closely, you can hear a zombie's head exploding in America's heartland.

From HERE?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

boom.

fish said...

do you know how hard it is to type "curcle jerk at the square dance" corrently into google?!!!!!

If this doesn't make it into words of wisdom, there is no justice in the world.

Brando said...

Check the banner. I'll keep that up for a while.

Churlita said...

I just got done reading all the comments and I can't remember what the Circle Jerker's post was about...Peeps? Jello? Something getting blown?

fish said...

Check the banner.

Awesome.

mikeinportc said...

the Circle Jerker's post was about...Peeps? Jello?

An S.O. of awhile back, nailed Peeps to her door every Easter season. ( The origin of which, was lost in a jello-shot haze .) Sort of like Martin Luther, but cuter.

Kathleen said...

I am laughing so hard

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I very nearly died from Kathleen's posting(s) yesterday.

Brando said...

That would be a neat trick considering you're already dead.

Brando said...

An S.O. of awhile back, nailed Peeps to her door every Easter season. ( The origin of which, was lost in a jello-shot haze .) Sort of like Martin Luther, but cuter.

That is awesome. I also like the idea of liquefying Pixie Stick powder and spreading it over the doorway.

Jennifer said...

An S.O. of awhile back, nailed Peeps to her door every Easter season... sort of like Martin Luther

I hope she nailed 95.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I very nearly died from Kathleen's posting(s) yesterday.

For poster-hilarity.
~

mikeinportc said...

I hope she nailed 95.

Nope . Just me.

Oh......95 peeps. :)