Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Top Ten Tuesdays: How are we going to get the health care bill passed?

10) Promise wavering Democrats that their spine transplants will be covered if they vote.

9) Rally Republican support by renaming the bill, “the War on Germs.”

8) Engage the support of America’s youth by presenting a special episode of Jersey Shore where Snooki learns she doesn’t have health coverage to get her foot fixed after breaking it off in some snooty Manhattan bitch’s ass.

7) Put on some Barry White, pour some red wine, and invite each dissenting Congressman into the Lincoln Bedroom with Obama.

6) Raise the funds to pay for the bill by selling Republican Congressmen into indentured servitude to the Chinese.

5) Ask the chamber to please pass the bill, and if that fails, say pretty please, and, if pushed to extremes, use the Cherry on Top option.

4) Counter any complex legislative tricks with an unbeatable Triple Lindy.

3) Lock dissenting legislators in a box with a stinging insect until they tell us what we want to hear.

2) Convince tea party activists to change their minds by reminding them their angioplasties will be covered, even in cases of extreme buffet abuse.

1) Tell the House that the Senate already passed the bill, and when they’re all, “nuh uh”, then go, “uh huh,” and when they say, “no way,” totally say, “way, it’s like, all finalized and stuff,” and then when they go, “fine, whatevs,” then presto, healthcare, motherfuckers!

13 comments:

Kathleen said...

I've only read #10 and I'm already almost peeing.

Jennifer said...

I think many already passed on it.

Brando said...

I've only read #10 and I'm already almost peeing.

We're going to need a bigger wastebasket.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

6) Raise the funds to pay for the bill by selling Republican Congressmen into indentured servitude to the Chinese.

Sounds fine, but I DEMAND that Ben Nelson, Bart Stupak, and Rahm Emanuel be sent along as part of the "package".
~

Churlita said...

Perfect. #10 is my fave too.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17) by drinking green beer.

Mendacious D said...

Spinal transplants, or spinal implants?

17a) by encouraging urine-based drug testing after St. Patrick's Day.

Kathleen said...

that Brando, all he was is funny.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

funny and pantsless.

Kathleen said...

chaps are pants

Brando said...

That painful discomfort you feel in your colon? Don't worry, it's just the free market at work.

fish said...

chaps are pants

Just not ombudpants.

Chuckles said...

Isn't #6 sort of redundant?