Special extended time off edition!
12) Hunting for a classifieds section from a paper that hasn't gone out of business.
11) Doubling our severance package in Vegas.
10) Expanding our professional knowledge-base by watching a lot of Jeopardy.
9) Looking under the sink for anything that might get us high.
8) Researching methods of faking own death that won't void our insurance.
7) Studying WebMD so we can perform our own surgical procedures when our COBRA expires.
6) Brushing and flossing.
5) Performing stretching exercises to prepare for new career as a drug mule.
4) Downloading as much porn as possible before our Internet service gets turned off.
3) Waiting by the mailbox for our lottery check from Nigeria.
2) Clearing every overgrown shrub from Crawford to Amarillo.
1) Practicing for our all-nude male review.
6 comments:
Once again, very funny, yet very painful... especially #5.
I also can't believe both the Sun-Times and the Trib have declared bankruptcy. Streetwise is going to be Chicago's main paper...
9) Looking under the sink for anything that might get us high.
And useful Suggestions!!.
We canceled our sub to the Milwaukee Urinal years ago, when the rightwing shift they used to try and appeal to the white-flight suburbs got too annoying. We've relied on The Shepherd Express for anything important.
The zombie above me is right: #9 caught me off guard. Laughing through tears is my favorite emotion.
#13 Freelance sweeping of movie theaters while credits roll = more popcorn and watery soda than you can handle.
Thanks, Trevor for quoting Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias and making me forget anything else I was going to say.
Leave it to Billy Pilgrim to bring the hootch comments.
I guess Snag can no longer participate in #1.
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