Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Top Ten Tuesdays: What new interrogation procedures are we approving?

10) Arrange a visit from detainee's mother, who expresses how disappointed she is.

9) Ask, "What's wrong? Is something wrong?" over and over until they crack.

8) Strap detainees in chairs and force them to watch marathon sessions of America's Funniest Home Videos.

7) Eat all of their pet fish right before their eyes.

6) Force them to motorboat a hairy fat guy who just played pickup basketball. (AKA "the new waterboarding")

5) Put them on a new reality game show, So You Think You Can Withhold Vital Information?

4) Lock them in detention hall with four other misfit detainees until they understand that there is more to life than jihad.

3) Get in their faces and scream that they can have a part on 24 if they cooperate.

2) Play some Barry White, pour them a little wine, and make them gaze into President Obama's eyes. Go ahead, try to lie.

1) Tell them that none of the interrogators are putting their pants back on until they get the truth.

61 comments:

Jennifer said...

Play some Barry White, pour them a little wine, and make them gaze into President Obama's eyes. Go ahead, try to lie.:)

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17) feeding them Brownie Batter Skittles on a sidewalk in TUSTOSAN until they buy donuts.

17a) goatse.

18. Rush. If one doesn't get to them, the other will.

19. make them live in the U.P.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

1) Tell them that none of the interrogators are putting their pants back on until they get the truth.

I'm not putting them back on even then.

Jennifer said...

OK ZRM- pony up with the clues on how to get spaces between italicized words and our comments. What does the magic blogger ball have to say??

20. Make them make mad, passionate luv to Chuckie Buckets.

I wonder if Skittles will come out with a goatse variety... actually, I think some of the Chocolate Mix varieties would work. Never mind.

Jennifer said...

Never mind ZRM- as always, fish helped.

fish said...

20. Make them make mad, passionate luv to Chuckie Buckets.

Is that a goateese?

Jennifer said...

Is that a goateese?

LOL!!!!

Brando said...

Is that a goateese?I don't know whether to laugh or throw up. Maybe a little of both.

fish said...

Like this?

Jennifer said...

I really want to click that link and yet... part of me knows better.

Von said...

Ahhhh #9. I appreciate the genius that is you.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

yeah, don't go to zombies for help.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

look, I've had to learn FORTRAN and BASIC and 10 digit machine language, and I am bitter about having to learn html also.

Is it any wonder I eat branes?

Jennifer said...

ZRM- If I ever need space around my italicized zombies, I know where to go.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

(spinning WWZD.....)

zombies congregate.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

fish said...
Like this?


I think I saw that kid in TUSTOSAN last Friday.

Jennifer said...

(spinning WWZD.....)

zombies congregate.


Uh-oh...

Jennifer said...

Also...

Taken out of context, this sounds vaguely dirty...

fish said...
Like this?

Jennifer said...

ZRM- I believe we've inadvertently started going all Zardoz on Brando's blog...

only 12 to go!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I can't believe Brando hasn't smacked me for the wanton Michigan trash-talking.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Hey, I hear this is the place to be for branes.

"send more paramedics!"

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

sure, a zombie shows up and all the breathers leave.

Jennifer said...

I can't believe Brando hasn't smacked me for the wanton Michigan trash-talking.

He's probably doing enough of his own.

Jennifer said...

sure, a zombie shows up and all the breathers leave.

I heard that.

Jennifer said...

Great... the breather shows up and the zombie leaves.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Jonathan Alter is on the ed Show, and holy crap, man, step back from the tan-in-a-can.

Jennifer said...

I know. I just saw him. I had to stop watching.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Isn't it about time for some Tom Waits?

Me, I'm still digging the Placemats, doing "Black Diamond". Let It Be is so fine.

Jennifer said...

There's a Food of the Gods sized rabbit eating my strawberry plants! Where's a scarezombie when you need one?

Jennifer said...

What's he doing down there?? What's he building in there!?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Once, we used to frequent a bar where the bartender use to love the Georgia Satellites. Their guitarist once said his ideal job would be playing for the Replacements, so I made the tender play Pleased To Meet Me, which became a bar staple.

Good drinking music, or depression music, or rebel music, or driving music, or love music....

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Remnants of Easter, I'd guess...

zombies only eat people brains. Which is why plover survived the encounter.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I like Ed, he's a big loud blue collar guy like I'm used to.

But I've got the mute on, so the visuals are all I'm seeing.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Brando is going to fucking FREAK when he finishes changing diapers....

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

O crap, I forgot Chris Matthews is on MSNBC

Sweet living rabbits, I LOATHE Chris Matthews.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

at least I don't have to look at Chuckie Bukkitz.

O YES BG I SAID IT.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I EATED JENNIFER'S BRANES AND SHE WILL NOT BE COMMENTING

Jennifer said...

I had to be nice and go pick up Grizzled from the train. It's raining out. Sorrrrr-eeeeeee.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Somebody has to spoil the party.

Hi kids!
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

That, obviously, was a brain-less Jennifer.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Hey, thunderpants!!

Got branes?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Watching Philly brain the living bejesus out of the Brewers. Remind me again why we spent 400 million spacebucks on that clammy stadium?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

VOWELRINES!!!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

we're not gonna make 100 if I'm the only one here.

I don't have that much alcohol.

Brando said...

This is the last time I leave you kids home alone while I'm out of town.

BTW, ZRM, this...

19. make them live in the U.P.reminded me that this was supposed to be a Top 11 with a punchline similar to that one as the capper. But I forgot, probably because a zombie at my brain.

Jennifer said...

I thought we were only going to 30! I guess someone did eat my brane...

fish said...

Caffeine and zombies do not mix.

Snag said...

Mrs. Olson loves brains.

Churlita said...

Jaysus. I forgot what the post was about. Eating zombie brains?

23.) Make detainees read comments to Brando's blog posts and follow all the links...While listening to Rush in the UP.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I'm waiting for someone else to do number 50....

Jennifer said...

I'm waiting for someone else to do number 50....

Too late...

Jennifer said...

Brando- did you wake up with any crows looking in your window this morning??

fish said...

Clean up on aisle 3.

Jennifer said...

Clean up on aisle 3.

I blame the onslaught of sporkle ponies...

Jennifer said...

Oops... that should have been sparkle although I think I like sporkle...

Brando said...

I love sporkle pony. It conjures up sporks, pork, sparkles, and ponies. The phrase sporkle pony is itself a sparkle pony.

Jennifer said...

The phrase sporkle pony is itself a sparkle pony.

:)

I agree.

Snag said...

Pony bacon. Yum.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

58 comments.

One of our weaker efforts. But then, we didn't bring the Zardoz this time.

I guess it can serve as a cautionary thread.

blue girl said...

Brando! #9 was golden.

Gold, Jerry, gold!

And don't even tell me you guys are gonna start ripping on Jonathan Alter!!!!!!

The hammer will come down on you all!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Make them eat at Fugakyu in Boston. That's punishment. Also mufango or WTF it is that AG had to eat in Fajardo, PR last night.