10) Arrange a visit from detainee's mother, who expresses how disappointed she is.
9) Ask, "What's wrong? Is something wrong?" over and over until they crack.
8) Strap detainees in chairs and force them to watch marathon sessions of America's Funniest Home Videos.
7) Eat all of their pet fish right before their eyes.
6) Force them to motorboat a hairy fat guy who just played pickup basketball. (AKA "the new waterboarding")
5) Put them on a new reality game show, So You Think You Can Withhold Vital Information?
4) Lock them in detention hall with four other misfit detainees until they understand that there is more to life than jihad.
3) Get in their faces and scream that they can have a part on 24 if they cooperate.
2) Play some Barry White, pour them a little wine, and make them gaze into President Obama's eyes. Go ahead, try to lie.
1) Tell them that none of the interrogators are putting their pants back on until they get the truth.