Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Top Ten Tuesdays: How are we avoiding the swine flu?

10) Using a dental dam when eating pork.

9) Keeping out harmful air by covering head with a plastic bag.

8) Appeasing our angry gods by sacrificing Madonna, like a virgin.

7) Calling in "pre-sick" to work.

6) Cleaning up this pig sty because Mom said we'd definitely get swine flu if we didn't.

5) Instead of saying, "bless you" when someone sneezes, pointing at them and screaming "Unclean!" until the authorities quarantine them.

4) Creating anti-germ cocoon out of duct tape and leftover bubble wrap.

3) Staying away from Mexico until it returns to a safer state of cartel-fueled violence.

2) Asking President Obama to lay hands on us.

1) Freaking out so badly that we die of a heart attack before we get sick.

16 comments:

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17) Laurie Anderson, Rush and Creed mix tape playing constantly to keep EVERYONE THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.

Von said...

I am ABSOLUTELY doing #5. For, like, ever. Or at least until this piggy-flew has gone away.
Piggy-flew? Pigs flying? Hm...perhaps it's just code?

Von said...

Had to post again, word verf is hateonhr. LOVE IT!!!

Jennifer said...

18) Converting to Judaism

fish said...

I call in pre-sick all the time.

Jennifer said...

I call in pre-sick all the time.I was fond of calling in sick of working. There was also the "I've got an eye problem... I just can't see going to work today."

Jennifer said...

Damn... I forgot the magical Blogger spaces!!!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

fish can't help you if you won't help yourself, Jennifer.

Jennifer said...

fish can't help you if you won't help yourself, Jennifer.

Pfffft.

Kathleen said...

when someone sneezes, pointing at them and screaming "Unclean!"imagining this made me laugh so hard I woke the baby. THANKS A LOT

hbonfield said...

Where's the "Like" button on this blog? Damn Facebook's made me lazy.

Snag said...

What makes you think I'm avoiding it?

Brando said...

LOL, Snag.

Churlita said...

I think I forgot to ignore it. I've had some horrible bug since Friday. That's what I get for living too close to all those feed lots.

almostinfamous said...

29) fight fire with fire and unleash bird flu everywhere
30) use your uncorrupted vegetarianism/veganism to sermonize everyone to death

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

31) coughing on vegans and vegetarians.