10) Manufacturing new Ford Piñata hybrid that explodes with sweets when rear-ended.
9) Allowing new car czar to call “shotgun.”
8) Providing own knee pads and Blistex when reporting to Congress.
7) Designing new CEO engine that purrs like a kitten instead of braying like a jackass.
6) Giving union members dental coverage only for first five years or 50,000 chews.
5) Securing G.O.P. votes by making Jesus fish standard on all new models.
4) Offering a free “lube job” to any citizen presenting a recent tax return in the alley behind local dealership.
3) Agreeing to have every all bailout checks treated with RustBelt-oleum.
2) Replacing benefit-driven workforce with one that runs on chicken-fried sushi.
1) Installing new GPS system that shows precisely where the fuck all of this is heading.