Special extended applause edition!*
12) Iran has been trying to obtain large quantities of secret herbs and spices from a “Colonel Sanders.”
11) Economic stimulus is like male arousal: the more pressure you apply, the less likely it is to happen.
10) The Iraq surge would be working even better if it was electrical.
9) Tax hikes make Baby Jesus cry tears made out of Bambi’s blood.
8) North Korea has been all cleared up since we applied that pimple stuff Jessica Simpson sells.
7) From now on, the Verizon guy will be wearing a trench coat and carrying a black bag.
6) Opportunities to travel abroad and see exciting action are the highest they’ve been in 40 years.
5) The writer’s strike caused this year’s State of the Union to be mostly repeats.
4) “Bombing Iran” is on Vice President Cheney’s bucket list.
3) Those who can’t do, veto.
2) We actually still have a president in the White House.
1) That we’re going to lose one of our greatest resources of unintentional comedy next year.
*Billy Pilgrim, this means you should start at #13