Monday, January 28, 2008

John Gibson's to-do list

X Piss on someone’s grave. (don’t forget to shake)

X Kick a puppy.

X Keep watching Brokeback Mountain and punching crotch every time it moves until it learns to stop moving at the sight of Jake’s supple buttocks and Heath’s —OWWW!

X Masturbate to videos of white women giving birth.
(make sure that Mexican housekeeper cleans up the stains this time)

X Drop washers into a blind beggar’s cup. (no giggling when he thanks us)

X Check fine print on contract to see if there’s any way to get soul back from Satan.

X Discuss how a Boston/New York Super Bowl is another manifestation of the gay agenda. (launch undercover investigation of role of tight ends—OWWW!)

X Develop new, innovative ways to deliver backhanded racism to blacks. (remember, inner voice=colored, outer voice=black)

X Ask crippled guy in wheelchair to get something off the top shelf for us. (think of good FDR joke)

X Take extra laxitives to generate enough material for The Big Lead. (remember to remove pants before "producing" show)

X Enter Ed Begley, Jr. look-alike contest. (try to look like less of a pedophile this time)

X Audition for role of evil albino in DaVinci Code 2. (try to look less evil this time)

X Call Osama bin Laden to find out exactly how he feels about a Democratic political victory. (and beg him again for another 9/11)

X Boil Sean Hannity’s rabbit because he broke it off with me. (and keep punching crotch until we no longer want him—OWWW!)

X Scrub Rupert Murdoch’s balls until I can see my reflection. (give them a spit shine this time.)

Write another book about how liberals are the one’s destroying Christ’s message.

6 comments:

Noelle said...

I'm pretty sure that I'm thankful to have never crossed paths with this fellow. I guess I don't need to worry about punching him in the crotch, since he seems to be taking care of it for himself.

Churlita said...

This is another one of your posts that is so delightfully wrong,(and when I say wrong, I mean funny) I can't even ruin it with one of my dork-ass comments.

fish said...

A) Avoid pictures of Tom Brady for 36 hours after taking Cialis.

Brando said...

I am really hoping to become the #1 search hit for "John Gibson pedophile." (fingers crossed)

fish said...

John Gibson pedophile.

mikeinportc said...

X Remember to say "Fair and Balanced" and barack HUSSEIN!!!! obama" after each of the above .


" Discuss how a Boston/New York Super Bowl is another manifestation of the gay agenda. (launch undercover investigation of role of tight ends—OWWW!)"

X Investigate origins of "Packers" , while we're at it.They use two "tight ends" . (2bl OWWW!) Team is publicly owned , so must be SOME sort of librul-comminist agenda there somewhere.