X Piss on someone’s grave. (don’t forget to shake)
X Kick a puppy.
X Keep watching Brokeback Mountain and punching crotch every time it moves until it learns to stop moving at the sight of Jake’s supple buttocks and Heath’s —OWWW!
X Masturbate to videos of white women giving birth. (make sure that Mexican housekeeper cleans up the stains this time)
X Drop washers into a blind beggar’s cup. (no giggling when he thanks us)
X Check fine print on contract to see if there’s any way to get soul back from Satan.
X Discuss how a Boston/New York Super Bowl is another manifestation of the gay agenda. (launch undercover investigation of role of tight ends—OWWW!)
X Develop new, innovative ways to deliver backhanded racism to blacks. (remember, inner voice=colored, outer voice=black)
X Ask crippled guy in wheelchair to get something off the top shelf for us. (think of good FDR joke)
X Take extra laxitives to generate enough material for The Big Lead. (remember to remove pants before "producing" show)
X Enter Ed Begley, Jr. look-alike contest. (try to look like less of a pedophile this time)
X Audition for role of evil albino in DaVinci Code 2. (try to look less evil this time)
X Call Osama bin Laden to find out exactly how he feels about a Democratic political victory. (and beg him again for another 9/11)
X Boil Sean Hannity’s rabbit because he broke it off with me. (and keep punching crotch until we no longer want him—OWWW!)
X Scrub Rupert Murdoch’s balls until I can see my reflection. (give them a spit shine this time.)
Write another book about how liberals are the one’s destroying Christ’s message.