10) Replacing the phrase “global warming” with “hot sex” in government climate reports.
9) Plotting to make checks and balances go AWOL while on AOL.
8) Putting Soylent Ginseng in the Alpo.
7) Forgetting to declare the bullshit we brought back from our Bagdad shopping spree.
6) Being a little slow on recognizing the Emancipation Proclamation.
5) Hiring Joe Isuzu to write our current military history.
4) Losing the only computer disk in Georgia.
3) Stirring the hopes of Cubs fans (again).
2) Having a few too many shots of Absolut Bigot.
1) Giving a microphone to a wrinkled, racist, unfunny, misogynistic, anachronistic, old-man-smelling sack of shit.