10) Not as dreadful as the Dread Pirate Roberts, way more into oral than Oral Roberts.
9) Keeps his Coke can free of stray hairs.
8) Channeled an M. Butterfly complexity to his role as Peppermint Patty.
7) Got a peek inside his legal briefs and were very impressed by his habeas corpus.
6) Fell asleep when he was droning on about case law and accidentally landed on "confirm" button.
5) He's a good Samaritan who always lends a helping hand to his fellow man.
4) Thought he showed a lot of moxie when, no matter how much we begged, he refused to answer any hard questions.
3) Seems like the kind of guy who would ask nicely before seizing control of a woman's reproductive freedom.
2) Unlike the FEMA director, CIA director, cabinet secretaries, attorney general, UN Ambassador, and all the other incompetent, bootlicking, harrumph-giving boobs that keep getting nominated, Roberts seems kinda qualified.
1) It'll hurt a lot less if we just relax and let Bush get it over with.