10) Considering the cost savings of the Republican plan: a sack of leeches and a swift kick in the ass.
9) Asked administration lawyer if there were no free clinics or Web MDs, and when told that the poor would rather die than use those resources, remarked that they better do it and decrease the surplus population.
8) Government has failed to keep up with private insurers in creation of cute mascots or catchy slogans supporting their plan.
7) Won’t approve a law that doesn’t cover penis creams and French ticklers (Clarence Thomas objection).
6) Feel that the Founding Fathers never conceived of a world where the government would guarantee health coverage. This is also why we’ll soon be ruling against iPhones, indoor plumbing, Netflix, microwaves, and female orgasm.
5) Worried that once the poor have health insurance, they’ll be clogging doctor’s offices with every little gunshot wound or bloody hacking cough.
4) Would love to see an alternate, exciting, completely surprising resolution to affordable health care come from the writing staff of House.
3) Believe that the right to affordable health care violates the right to make an assload of money off health care.
2) Lack of universal health coverage is unfortunately a pre-existing condition against universal health coverage.
1) While it is constitutional for the government to kill you, tax you, draft you, school you, and rule you, you’re on your own for that cold, Cochise.