Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Top Ten Tuesdays: How are we protecting the 1%?

10) Increasing their value and longevity by dipping them in gold.

9) Relocating those close to the polluting effects of urban poverty to their natural, gated habitats.

8) Allowing them to use the 99% as a food source in the event of a blood sugar drop or post-polo-match snack craving.

7) Outfitting them in Armani’s new Kevlar line.

6) Giving luxury submarines the right to torpedo any yacht under 30 feet and any cruise ship featuring an all-you-can-eat buffet.

5) Putting them behind an offensive line fit for Jesus.

4) Subjecting all capital gains taxes to Capitol punishment.

3) Legalizing plastique surgery that allows nose jobs and breast implants to be used as explosives.

2) Slipping on new Trojan Platinum condoms, lubricated with real caviar. 

1) Amending the constitution to read, “one dollar, one vote.”

15 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Brando, I think number 1) happened 30 years ago, when Reagan got rid of the Fairness Doctrine.
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zombie rotten mcdonald said...

both 'capitals' are speeled with an a.

Zombies are being HELPFUL.

Brando said...

It was supposed to be a play on the Capitol. Obviously a fail on my part.

Brando said...

I was also very sick (and possibly dreaming) when I wrote this, so I may be held legally accountable if I went astray.

Kathleen said...

I wanted the number 10 link to be to Goldfinger.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

For K
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ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

"If I had a dollar for every pixel in this video, I'd have 4 dollars."

Hahaha. And people say there are no good comments on youtube.

Try this one.
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Brando said...

For thunder

K, I was originally going to link to this. I would walk around talking in that accent all the time except that TLB would divorce me.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

No, no, Brando, I am pretty sure it is a failing on my part. I am very fatigued, a bit ill, and I've been bitten by a murderous robot. I have noticed that my humor circuitry it burnt out, possibly with squirrels nesting in it.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Fridge Note: Brando, Led Zep music geekery here.

Kathleen said...

ROFL. if only there was a way for you to always comment in that accent

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I'm gonna steal a joke from tigris... Platinum Plated Taints.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

For thunder


Loved it!
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Substance McGravitas said...

I would protect the rich by having them stand in a spot where no grand pianos could fall out of the sky and crush them to death.

William W. said...

We could protect them by requiring that they hire sassy housekeepers from the poor part of town.