10) Beginning with some master debating to prime our caucusing.
9) Getting our base really excited by talking about creating a frothy mix of church and state.
8) Acknowledging that watching a black guy have his way with our beloved country is driving us sooo crazy.
7) Explaining that any stains on our Congressional record were the result of ramming home our lengthy legislative agenda.
6) Showing our hardcore credentials by getting our knees and thanking God for showering us with His copious blessings.
5) Promising that we will work tirelessly to hand jobs to any hard-working American who wants one.
4) Finishing ahead in a crucial three-way primary while the frontrunners beat off attacks from each other.
3) Having donors throw money at us after showing our rising polls.
1) Starting slow so that we could peak and come from behind simultaneously with the election in November.