Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Top Ten Wednesdays: What's derailing our presidential campaigns?

10) What God’s voice tells us tends to sound much less commanding and sane when we repeat it to the media.

9) Letting all rebuttals being handled by our parasitic twin.

8) Knowing now why voters cry, but acknowledging that it is something we can never do.

7) Public wants to give ignorant morons from states other than Texas a shot at the White House.

6) As a testament to our libertarian commitment to curbing executive authority, we have only one campaign promise: if elected, we will commit ritual suicide.

5) Endorsed by Joe Paterno.

4) Tendency to shove hands deep into pockets, throw head back, and say, “Ohhh, that’s a tough nut to crack,” when asked about gay marriage.

3) Proposed enforcing reproductive violations by setting up remote breed cams in women's va-jay-jays.

2) Campaign posters have only been printed on the sides of milk cartons.

1) To be eligible for any jobs we propose to create, each American must first sleep with us.

22 comments:

Jennifer said...

You know... anymore, after reading or hearing the "news", I just find myself going, "WTF???!??!?"

It's hard to believe it's the 21st Century.

fish said...

k) Starting to discover that grabbing America by the head and sticking it into my groin is not considered endearing.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Let's ask FAUX News, shall we?

Fox's Bolling Dismisses Question About Whether Allegations Against Cain Are True: "Who Cares What Happens"
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17). The words I say.

Kathleen said...

re #1 seen on the internets:


"Show me on the doll where Herman Cain offered you a job"


it's so wrong and so hilarious.

Von said...

OMG I love your top ten posts.
LOVE

Jennifer said...

I'm surprised the Duggar's haven't installed a breedcam yet.

Brando said...

The Herman Cain doll is so evil and awesome.

What I don't understand about the Duggars is, who has the time, energy, and privacy to have sex when you have 19 kids?

Jennifer said...

What I don't understand about the Duggars is, who has the time, energy, and privacy to have sex when you have 19 kids?

I know. Frankly, I'm guessing she doesn't even know when it's happening anymore. Maybe she just has a sperm patch that delivers sperm when she needs it.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I'm going to guess that the poor little Duggar girls had their childhoods taken away in a hurry, so they could be substitute moms.
~

fish said...

Frankly, I'm guessing she doesn't even know when it's happening anymore.

[content redacted because fish (!) decided it was too much filthbot for Brando's (!) blog}

fish said...

Off topic, but this seems right in your humor wheelhouse Brando.

Brando said...

Damn it, fish, now I want to know what was redacted.

That link is hilarious. It has been mocked over the years, but D&D explains all!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

DINGDINGDINGDING(1)


thudner has it right!

Jennifer said...

Damn it, fish, now I want to know what was redacted.

Me, too!! What was too much that even fish couldn't type it?? And what would be too much for Brando's blog??

All I can think of that would be utterly wrong, would be any football connections... you weren't going to go there, were you, fish?? I hope not.

LOL! wv is "lestork". LOL!!

Jennifer said...

Damn it, fish, now I want to know what was redacted.

And damn fish for making our heads go to the worst places possible without even posting anything.

fish said...

It's like Hitchcock. Not seeing is so much worse.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Don't underestimate the role of corndogs in the race.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I confess I've never seen a double-ended dildo dog before.

I have led such a sheltered life.

Brando said...

I was just thankful it was pictured going into their mouths instead of elsewhere.

Jennifer said...

I confess I've never seen a double-ended dildo dog before.

It looked like a dildo going into a dildo... kind of like a mirror facing a mirror.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

"Top Ten Wednesdays: What's derailing our presidential campaigns?"

Three things:

1; the crazy,
2; the hate,
3; umm, let me see if I remember. 3 is....wait, let me think....ummm, oops.