10) What God’s voice tells us tends to sound much less commanding and sane when we repeat it to the media.
9) Letting all rebuttals being handled by our parasitic twin.
8) Knowing now why voters cry, but acknowledging that it is something we can never do.
7) Public wants to give ignorant morons from states other than Texas a shot at the White House.
6) As a testament to our libertarian commitment to curbing executive authority, we have only one campaign promise: if elected, we will commit ritual suicide.
5) Endorsed by Joe Paterno.
4) Tendency to shove hands deep into pockets, throw head back, and say, “Ohhh, that’s a tough nut to crack,” when asked about gay marriage.
3) Proposed enforcing reproductive violations by setting up remote breed cams in women's va-jay-jays.
2) Campaign posters have only been printed on the sides of milk cartons.
1) To be eligible for any jobs we propose to create, each American must first sleep with us.