Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Top Ten Tuesdays: What will we learn during the State of the Union address?

10) Washington plans to seriously address deficit reduction by tapping into Rahm Emmanuel’s swear jar.

9) President Obama will lift his sagging poll ratings and increase his appeal to conservatives by posing nude in Cosmopolitan.

8) For just $1,000,000, your corporation can become an official sponsor of next year’s State of the Union. For $2,000,000, you can get a shout out and air fist bump from the president.

7) The United States government will work tirelessly to broker peace between Jay and Conan.

6) The government will strengthen its investigation of terror networks by using a new task force made up of Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby.

5) Due to sagging government revenues, tax refunds will be replaced with store credit.

4) In order to secure the passage of health care reform, President Obama will tell Republicans he absolutely, positively, does not want them to pass health care reform.

3) The government will guarantee that Wall Street will most assuredly take steps to strictly follow new economic guidelines that should under most circumstances prevent the kind of economic abuses that most assuredly will happen again if said stern warning is not heeded.

2) Because of the current economic crisis, the Great Society will be downgraded to the Wouldn’t Kick It Out of Bed for Eating Crackers Society.

1) “And lastly, I want to say that the only thing we have to fear is…wow, that's a long goddamned list. Uh, let’s try this: The only thing we don’t have to fear is…Canada…the extinction of American buffets…and the acceptance of soccer.”

9 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

4) In order to secure the passage of health care reform, President Obama will tell Republicans he absolutely, positively, does not want them to pass health care reform.

The only thing on the list I can support and possibly see working.

This deficit reduction crap? From the same *ssholes who ran the crap up with their tax cuts and wars and deregulation/giant asset bubble?

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HULK ANGRY!
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

funny. No, really.

But..... can we go back to talking about Husker Du and teh Cure? Cuz I didn't think this gun barrel would taste so oily.

Churlita said...

Zombie is hilarious.

almostinfamous said...

to be honest, i would believe a talking dog and his stoner friend before i would even listen to what passes for intelligence now...

fish said...

Hilarious Zombie is hilarious.

Churlita said...

Fish, You do know I won't click on that, don't you?

Brando said...

Fish's links are the comment equivalent of the Landshark.

"Candygram....CHOMP, CHOMP, MUNCH, MUNCH!!!"

fish said...

Click this. No this. No this. How about this? Okay, just look at this one.

almostinfamous said...

epic fish slam