The New York Times reports that teenage sexual activity is down since the 1990s. Why are more teenagers saying they are not having sex?
10) Thought we did have sex, but realized abstinence-only teacher had no idea what he was talking about.
9) Would have totally done it with our girlfriends if we could have made it to the bed in time.
8) Converted to lesbianism after getting creeped by the dads at our purity ball.
7) Inflation in cost of dry cleaning makes dry humping cost-prohibitive.
6) Discovered mommy’s “back massager.”
5) Saving selves for that special someone on Facebook.
4) Became impotent after finding online porn that featured our parents.
3) Rising teenage obesity rates make it too much effort to remove pants.
2) Rainbow parties are so 2003. Now we just dirty Twitter.
1) Actually boffing like rabbits but know better than to say that to researchers.