10) Wild nights of dancing at the club now spent falling asleep with spouse during The L Word.
9) The “ol’ ball and chain” refers to spouse instead of sex toy.
8) Trading in Miatas and Outbacks for minivans.
7) Lack of public displays of affection are out of laziness instead of fear.
6) Opens up a whole new realm of clichés for gay observational comics.
5) Parent-teacher conferences will become 100% more fabulous.
4) Lesbian wife can carry us over the threshold of the house she built herself.
3) Spouse no longer has to pretend to be a woman when Gene Hackman comes over for dinner.
2) Will hold hands while filling out complicated joint tax returns.
1) Homophobic mouthbreathers are legally required to suck it.