10) Getting nanny recommendations from Jude Law and Rob Lowe.
9) Finishing off the last of the bourbon.
8) Preemptively packing on 20 pounds and moving hairline back six inches.
7) Simulating baby’s nighttime schedule by squeezing air horn on spouse at 3 am.
6) Playing Dark Side of the Moon while watching ultrasound video.
5) Practicing changing diapers by switching to Depends.
4) Shopping for minivans while reciting eulogy for our lost youth.
3) Giving child a real Christian sleeping arrangement by forgoing crib for pile of hay that smells like myrrh.
2) Trading in Grand Theft Auto for Grand Sharing Elmo.
1) Asking pharmacist if they make an Epidural patch.