10) Sending Larry Craig on a feeler mission.
9) Keeping double-cheeseburger on the dollar menu at all North Korean McDonald’s.
8) Financing Bill O’Reilly trip to Pyongyang to prove that when North Koreans go to restaurants, they don’t ask for more M-Fing hot tea.
7) Holding combination wet T-shirt/General MacArthur lookalike contest.
6) Producing new North Korean-scripted version of M*A*S*H where a group of wacky North Korean doctors teach us to laugh, love, and learn to throw off the shackles of our capitalist imperial oppressors.
5) Offering to let winner of rock-paper-scissors launch first nuclear strike.
4) Having Kim Jong-il be the first guest on new Bravo show, Queer Eye for the Totalitarian Guy.
3) Establishing historic nukes-for-nachos swap.
2) Upgrading them from the Axis of Evil to the Fulcrum of Inconvenience.
1) Granting the North the right to occupy South Korea on alternate weekends and two weeks during summer breaks.