Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Super Top Ten Tuesday: What last-minute campaigning are we doing?

Special extended media humping edition!

20) Demonstrating fitness to be Commander-in-Chief by going commando.

19) Playing saxophone on Arsenio Hall’s street corner.

18) Strengthening conservative credentials by offering gay, immigrant abortion doctor as a sacrifice to a non-denominational Judeo-Christian deity.

17) Constructing assembly line full of kissable babies.

16) Cancelling endorsement from “Super Bowl-winning quarterback Tom Brady.”

15) Using Ouija board to channel endorsement from Ronald Reagan/John F. Kennedy.

14) Offering all foreclosed homeowners discounted military housing with qualified enlistment.

13) Showing we’re a candidate Americans can have a beer with by going on multi-state pub crawl.

12) Stimulating the economy and promoting family values by offering tax deductions on marital aid purchases.

11) Stressing our acting credentials to California voters.

10) [Your own Top Ten Tuesday entry available with Gold-Level campaign donation.]

9) Vowing to get tough on crime by arresting most of our major fundraisers.

8) Proving that we’re not too old to handle the rigors of being...of being...uh...just a minute, it’ll come to us.

7) Taking urine test on The Situation Room to prove we’re steroid free.

6) Illustrating that we’re in touch with America’s youth by shouting “Wazzup!” at every campaign stop.

5) Promising universal access to Hannah Montana concert tickets.

4) Stripping to the waist and offering to bare-knuckle box Obama for the Democratic nomination.

3) Grabbing last-minute Republican votes by reaching under the stall.

2) Two words: Oprah, bitches!

1) Stressing liberal credentials by supporting a progressive agenda that promises to make America more fair and equitable....just kidding, who wants free schwag from our corporate sponsors?

21 comments:

Mendacious D said...

17a) Constucting assembly line full of tasty babies, under Halliburton contract.

You know, in order to keep the nomnomnomination.

Brendan said...

It was like two, two, two for the price of one! Great stuff.

billy pilgrim said...

64) personally planning to ensure the 3Bulls vote by delivering 3 Take Five bars to each registered Bullsie.

Once the delegates are acquired, their votes shall be committed to Bill Mumy.

fish said...

A) release Mixtape diss of other candidates.

Jennifer said...

Can Bill Mumy wish all candidates out to the cornfield?

Kathleen said...

18c) attempting to win sink lettuce eating contest.

Snag said...

5a) Promising to send Hannah Montana to a remote, rapidly sinking island.

mikeinportc said...

28)Taking a wide stance.. er........firm stance... against terrorism.

Chuckles said...

Number seven wins my delegates.

BOSSY said...

Arsenio Hall's street corner: ahahahahahahahaha.

The Uncanny Canadian said...

24) Bigger rock in bigger pond

billy pilgrim said...

21) Spending all my time in Vegas, looking to obtain the endorsement of DANNY GANS!

Brando said...

Thanks for the comments, and I have to note that I love the random numbering of the comments.

The Uncanny Canadian said...

37) Eliminate Brando

39) Never mention #37

Kathleen said...

37) Eliminate Brando

39) Never mention #37


Classic.

Kathleen said...

c) ending writers strike by reading vogon poetry

billy pilgrim said...

Please note that the random numbering thing was my inspiration.

Look, I take my validation where I can get it, and if that involves taking the credit for someone else's mild amusement in the comments on someone else's blog, well, let's just say I can be Snag with that.

fish said...

I vote 9 points for c.

Churlita said...

Who's Arsenio Hall? Ah,just kidding. I'm older than all y'all.

fish said...

I think politicians should start wearing patches on their suits like race car drivers. Then we can vote for Tide or Mountain Dew. I would totally vote for Mountain Dew.

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