10) Introducing supersize communion option with 30% more salvation.
9) Changing guitar mass to Guitar Hero mass
8) Trying to add more life to mass by using a dead language.
7) Hiring P. Diddy to produce new "Rappin' Rosary" album.
6) Switching to more efficient metric system for confession penance (venial sin=1.52 Our Fathers).
5) Selling indulgences from Church to pay for indulgences of Church.
4) Relabeling “Protestants” as “Protes-Can’ts-Go-to-Heaven.”
3) Granting lifelong absolution from meatless Friday to anyone who doesn’t press charges.
2) Telling souls in Limbo, “You don’t have to go to Hell, but you can’t stay here.”
1) Excommunicating progress.