10) Exercising right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of bratwurst.
9) Giving People magazine the names, numbers, and photos of all the CIA agents we don't like.
8) Returning copy of How to Survive as the Sweetheart of the Cell Block to the G. Gordon Liddy.
7) Requiring all new American flags to be made by extinct American textile workers.
6) Balancing system of checks on our non-Executive Branch middle finger.
5) Showing the fierce, noble American spirit that resisted tyranny by blowing up a bunch of illegal shit in our backyards.
4) Offering American flag ball gag to all dungeon customers.
3) Forcing the President to watch Born on the Fourth of July until even he can see the parallels.
2) Watching fireworks show that explodes into a brilliant representation of an undisclosed CIA prison.
1) Smothering it with cheese.