Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Top Ten Tuesdays: Why do we swear so goddamned much?

Blue Gal tipped me off to a recent debate about the profanity of the liberal side of the blogosphere. It seemed that some right-wing blogger—one not currently lending his mad science skillz to the Army Corps of Engineers—ran a test: Which blogs more frequently use George Carlin’s seven words you can’t say on television, liberal blogs or conservative ones?

The answer: liberal blogs by a margin of 18-1. Or maybe less. But who fucking cares, because...

Wooooo, we’re number 1! In your face, dickfaces!

Ahem, sorry, had to get that out. Okay, so maybe the liberal side likes to use naughty words. Why do we swear so goddamned much?

10) Roget’s yet to come up with synonym for “fuckstick.”

9) Potty mouth perfect for describing how Iraq has gone in the toilet.

8) Can’t give the bird when posting.

7) If it walks and talks like a duck, it must be a duck. Ergo, if it stoops and poops like an asshole...
6) Emulating the role model of American civility, Dick Cheney.

5) Because every time someone’s antiquated Victorian-era sensibilities get rung up, an angel gets his wings.

4) What better way to initiate dialog with conservative preachers, reporters, and Congressman than using the word “cock”?

3) Profanity relieves pressure caused by cognitive dissonance from destroying freedom to protect it.

2) Impossible to look at the President's countenance without typing "ass face."

1) Because when your country is being run by a bunch of flag-humping, feces-throwing, rich-rimming, poor-fisting, science-cornholing, corruption-swallowing, war-jerking jizzrags, “golly” just doesn’t cut it.

12 comments:

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Fuckin' A: #1 rocks. Wait until Res sees you used 'cornholing'. He's going to love it.

teh l4m3 said...

11) Irked by the civil and reasonable-sounding exhortations to assassination, genocide, and mass internment. Why? Because we love Satan.

fish said...

12) Because we have actually fucking read "Tropic of Cancer" instead of banning an burning it.

Chuckles said...

FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS, THOSE FUCKING FUCKS!

Jennifer said...

Fuckstick is satisfying to say although I occasionally try to clean it up and say, Dilrod.

FYI- you've have got to have the absolute LONGEST word verification codes there are. They are usually longer than my comment.

billy pilgrim said...

Because we hate fucking tightass upright prig motherfuckers.

Plus, we all secretly hope that someday, when yet another 'fuckstick' comes out of our mouth, Tucker Carlson drops dead of a brain embolism.

Noelle said...

I'm a huge fan of the new Battlestar Galactica, where they use "frak" and all its conjugations in place of "fuck." Brilliant. At NYC Comic-con, Kevin Smith hosted a BSG panel and told us that he will direct an episode of the show when they come up with the outer-space futuristic word for "cocksucker."

Brando said...

I need to start watching BSG. I have it queued up in my Netflix list.

Chuckles' comment reminded me of Kevin Kline's line from A Fish Called Wanda: "You're the vulgarian, you fuck!"

Churlita said...

What's so fucking wrong with swearing, anway? Saying friggin' or frak isn't half as satisfying and it's not like they're fooling anyone. We all know what they meant to say. That's why we swear - we like to keep it real...And also, like Teh said, we love satan.

BOSSY said...

13) Because repression leads to incidents with boy interns and AA.

blue girl said...

Great list, Brando!

I told The Skimmer about this "study" and his answer was pretty close to bp's: Because we hate fucking tightass upright prig motherfuckers.

Grendel said...

Great post. Once saw an English movie whose title I forget now, about middle eastern folks living in London, in which a man, when he sees his car has been damaged, screams, "For fuck's fucking fuck sake, fuck it!" And oh, did I squirt diet Coke out my nose.