10) Don’t want to damage profitability of our Wal-Mart stock.
9) Can’t risk losing our core voting base of poor white trash.
8) Somebody’s got to work for peanuts after we kick out the Mexicans.
7) Once you give people a living wage, they’ll start asking for health care, better schools, less crime, and the next thing you know, we’re Canada.
6) The free market should dictate what we pay our caddies.
5) The current minimum wage is more than enough to get a five-course meal off Wendy’s dollar menu.
4) Hoping that the poor get desperate enough to enlist.
3) If they’re so unhappy, they should just do what we did and have Dad buy us an oil company.
2) It's hard enough carrying enough change for the Piss Boy as it is.
1) Because when we made a pact with the Devil to get elected, we had to give him our hearts, too.