15) Rethinking current invade first, ask questions later policy.
14) Requiring a permit to detonate an improvised explosive device.
13) Impressing Democratic presidential hopefuls into minefield-sweeping duty.
12) Replacing formal diplomatic visits with late-night diplomatic booty calls.
11) Opening a new front, the War on Bad News.
10) Using trail of Cheetos to lure young male conservatives who rabidly support the war to enlistment offices.
9) Swapping army uniforms for Burger King costumes to really creep out the enemy.
8) Showing solidarity with the troops by donning flightsuit, hopping into a jet fighter, and personally defending the Texas coastline from al-Queda.
7) Financing war with all the unclaimed inheritance we’re getting from Nigerian banks.
6) Conducting biological warfare against insurgents by letting them sleep with Paris Hilton.
5) Promoting American-style democracy by not only playing Freedom Rock, but turning it up.
4) Improving Islamic relations by commissioning a cartoon series showing the Prophet Muhammad hugging Americans.
3) Ordering the entire U.S. army to slowly walk backwards until they reach the Iranian border.
2) Giving Kiefer Sutherland 24 hours to figure the whole thing out.
1) Coming up with a strategy.