Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Top Ten Tuesdays: What else is Facebook changing without our permission?

10) Autotagging all of our nip slips.

9) Showing every status update we crosspost to Twitter as, “Cum see my new & improved Facebook pics bit.nip/@reol@s

8) Making us fans of the U.S. Border Patrol if we set the new required immigration status field to “it’s complicated.”

7) Logging in automatically fires off a message to Tom from MySpace asking why he hasn’t killed himself already.

6) Listing status as “stalking” when checking pictures of our exes.

5) Uploading our personal info to Siri so she can whisper important messages from Facebook’s preferred marketing partners to us while we sleep.

4) Defaulting our Spotify playlist updates to “All Bieber, All The Time.”

3) Changing all Farmville notifications to ask our friends, “Why not purchase a bushel of bountiful Facebook stock?”

2) Autocorrecting any mention of “privacy” to “Zuckerbergaliciousness.”

1) Pretty much every fucking thing every fucking day.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Not one effin' thing, Brando.

I never got involved with EffBook.

And you kids stay offa my lawn!

blue girl said...

I am so happy I dumped out of FB a few weeks back!! I just can't stand that they take it upon themselves to try to change basic human behavior the way they do. So arrogant, I cannot stand it.

That being said, though, I'm sure I've been implanted with some FB chip that lasers out of my screen, directly into my retinas or something, so Zuckereffer still knows what I'm doing, where I'm going and what I'm thinking.

Damn you, Facebook!

blue girl said...

I have to add... I don't think there's anything that I dislike as much as I dislike (despise) Facebook. It's sort of irrational.

Brando said...

Ha, BG, I saw I had lost a couple of friends (I'm one of THOSE people) and wondered who it was.

I totally get the frustration, but I have too much fun with it to stop. Sort of like drinking.

Jennifer said...

The changes are coming fast and furiously... I'm always certain I'm posting my pathetic internet viewing habits for the world to see.

And, as you all know, I'm rarely on my own page, but cannot stop the other one. People won't let me. I've had more pros than cons on that one.

Jennifer said...

Also, Brando, it's not been the same with out the glorious photo of you in your Indiana jersey. :) I can't wait until it shows up in an ad in my sidebar.

Brando said...

I would be lying if I said part of me doesn't miss it a little.

Substance McGravitas said...

If you are a person who needs to find stuff out Facebook is a GIFT.

I'll never sign up for the fucking thing. On the other hand if there are enough people like this who's gonna notice you?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I'm with thunder and SMcG on this one. I've never signed up for Facebook. That being said, as the internet's number one "unapologetic ass man", I'd sign up for Assbook in a heartbeat!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17) changing my youthful, fit body for this travesty I have now. Certainly I never gave my permission for this!

Brando said...

Congrats, BBBB. I remember how happy I was when I made it to the first page of results for "circle jerk." I called my mom to tell her.

Jennifer said...

I remember how happy I was when I made it to the first page of results for "circle jerk." I called my mom to tell her.

Same for me and "filthbot"... thank you, Snag. I try to share this info at every parent/teacher conference.

blue girl said...

lol @ I try to share this info at every parent/teacher conference.