Top Ten Wednesdays: How are we being misquoted by the media?

10) Meant to say that the welfare system suffers from the blahs, not, you know, what it sounds like what we said.

9) Were misquoted when we said our husband Marcus was gay for the French horn. He just loves watching guys blow into those things! What's wrong with that?

8) Actually said we need to keep those sticks from crossing our borders. Seriously, have you seen the brush near El Paso?

7) Forgot to include in America’s armor when we said our top foreign policy priorities would include looking out for the chinks.

6) Really said that minor teas should be banned from the food stamp programs. Lipton should be good enough for you people. Um, meaning tea drinkers who are on welfare.

5) When we said we would bomb Iran back to the Bronze Age, we actually meant Stone Age.

4) Left out under the collar when we said lesbian moms make us hot.

3) We were really making a favorable comment about the zoo-run media—we just love that new Cameron Crowe movie and wish Hollywood would make nothing but movies about wholesome families buying exotic animal preserves. Also, we love Israel, we're just not in love with Israel.

2) Was referring to cigarettes when we said all fags must burn.

1) Said we had to get rid of that nagger in the White House. Because of our extreme prejudice toward regulation and not, you know, those people. Meaning naggers.*

*I must give credit to South Park for this joke because that would be the white, er, right thing to do.