Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Top Ten Wednesdays: What will we do if elected president?

10) Will permanently shift the U.S. government’s official position on sex education to “missionary.”

9) Will change the social safety net into a real net that will hold the unemployed in place until there are jobs available.

8) Will support a strict originalist interpretation of the Constitution that will make it illegal for anyone to be president if they only count as 3/5 of a person.

7) Will save money by putting social security funds into a lockbox that old people will never figure out how to open.

6) Will vow to keep gay romance away from the church altar and instead leave it in the confessional where it belongs.

4) Will require schools to strengthen the counting skills of children by using Bible verses and ammunition calibers.

3) Will strengthen faith in science by making science faith-based.

2) Will cut taxes so that the rich can stimulate a robust American recovery by creating more jobs for Guatemalan housekeepers, Mexican greenskeepers, Brazilian waxers, African adoption officers, French restaurateurs, Italian designers, Dutch jewelers, German automakers, and Swiss bankers.

1) Will promise not to trigger the Rapture until our second term.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

0) Will put fish in the freezer where he belongs.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17) Tom Brady will face capital crimes trial in Texas.

Kathleen said...

so painfully funny

Brando said...

It's too early to panic, but the prospect of a Perry presidency scares the crap out of me.

Substance McGravitas said...

You may wish to add a link.

Jennifer said...

Will amend the DOMA to include a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" addition to marital vows.

I now pronounce you Bachmann and wife.

fish said...

Being perfect is not a crime ZRM. Not even in Texas.

Perfect Tommy.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I wish to highlight Jennifer's comment.