9) Hemp-powered engines that make everyone hungry for green energy sources.
8) Genetic crop research that causes Brussels sprouts taste like donut holes.
7) Discovering a new element, Sheenium, that is impervious to toxic levels of stimulants, sexually transmitted diseases, and film roles.
6) Creation of eGarlic app that protects e- readers from bad vampire fiction.
4) Digital video recording technology that takes our recorded programs and automatically just shows us the good parts.
2) Holothin® technology that makes us appear svelte to others without having to sacrifice our love of Ding Dongs.