Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Top Ten Tuesdays: What special punishments are awaiting us in hell?

Special we're only human and that guy was a huge asshole edition!

10) Mandatory attendance at the alternative punishment festival, Hot Lava Enemapalooza.

9) Strapped to the Table of Endless Nipple Waxing.

8) Have to listen to every squeaky 12-year-old boy playing Call of Duty describe how they would have killed us.

7) Netflix queue only contains Gigli.

6) Every time Charlie Sheen commits a sin, an IED goes off in our scrotum.

5) Chained to a chair in the George W. Bush War on Terra Speechification Dome, presented in quadraphonic stereo.

4) Forced to work as a New Recipe Tester for Taco Bell, with no bathroom access.

3) A starring role in the Lucasfilm movie, My Dinner With Jar-Jar.

2) Imps in Satan’s furniture workshop turning us into a chair for Rush Limbaugh.

1) 72 virgins awaiting us are all guys from a D&D convention.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

0. Eternity spent with G.W.Bush and Dick Cheney.

Substance McGravitas said...

Constantly strangled by people too weak to really get the job done.

Another Kiwi said...

Sharing an eternal cask of wine with Ann Althouse.

fish said...

12b)) Someone suggesting the concept of "My Dinner with Jar-Jar" resulting in you imagining the script for all eternity.

Hell is truly other people.

Brando said...

It's like a bad link from fish that keeps playing over and over in your mind!

And even I'm not cruel enough to suggest an eternity with Ann Althouse.

BTW, if you haven't you should really click on the D&D link. I love the random shit I find on YouTube.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Stuck waiting tables for Bill O'Reilly- bringing "motherfucking" iced tea.

Kathleen said...

oh my god.

"East Cleveland Holiday Inn" it doesn't even have to involve that D&D guy.

Churlita said...

This post was so much better than a fake, mashed-up MLK quote.

fish said...

David Brooks is talking about Brando:

He wore a scruffy three-day growth of beard on his face, and his hair was perpetually shaggy, like one of those sensitive stud novelists at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop.

(the whole thing is hilarious)

Brando said...

Jesus Christ, what the hell was that?

For the record, I have tried to grow a beard twice in my life, both times with disastrous, sex-repulsing results. I think TLB would find me more attractive playing Rock Band while dressed as a wizard than with a beard.

Brando said...

Also going to write the Vegas piece today in lieu of a Random 11.

almostinfamous said...

132d) forced to believe your own campaign promises and then forced to betray yourself

sewa mobil said...

Nice article, thanks for the information.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17)just posted a pitch-perfect, lengthy, brilliant, hilarious Vegas installment.

On Blogger.

And everyday is May 12th.

Brando said...

I know. Got some of that written but had to go out of town. I'm also stuck in a bit of a creative rut that I'm trying to get out of. But Vegas tales will be posted by the end of the weekend.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

O, no criticism of you, Brando. More a comment on the BloggerFailure that hit us all where we live.