10) Mandatory attendance at the alternative punishment festival, Hot Lava Enemapalooza.
9) Strapped to the Table of Endless Nipple Waxing.
8) Have to listen to every squeaky 12-year-old boy playing Call of Duty describe how they would have killed us.
7) Netflix queue only contains Gigli.
6) Every time Charlie Sheen commits a sin, an IED goes off in our scrotum.
5) Chained to a chair in the George W. Bush War on Terra Speechification Dome, presented in quadraphonic stereo.
4) Forced to work as a New Recipe Tester for Taco Bell, with no bathroom access.
3) A starring role in the Lucasfilm movie, My Dinner With Jar-Jar.
2) Imps in Satan’s furniture workshop turning us into a chair for Rush Limbaugh.
1) 72 virgins awaiting us are all guys from a D&D convention.